Pain Caused and Pain Felt

Pain Caused and Pain Felt

My wife and I made a decision this week that had a significant impact on our lives and on the lives of many that we love.  This has caused a lot of pain both for us and them.  I wish there had been a way to do this without causing pain, but I suppose it was unavoidable.

The Pain We Caused

We caused pain because of the context of the issue. Even though we knew that this would cause pain, that was never our intent.  We didn’t do this to hurt or punish anyone, but we were placed in a situation where we had to choose.  I know that many of you are hurting and angry because our decision was based within the context of the gay community.  I don’t know how to impress upon you that it had nothing to do with you being gay or straight or somewhere in between.  It really didn’t have anything to do with sin either, for that matter.  It was based on the fact that a member of the clergy within my church was going to teach a doctrine that we firmly believed was incompatible with Scripture.  They weren’t going to do this as an expression of a personal opinion, but within the context of a church-sponsored support group as a member of the church’s clergy.

I think the support group is a good thing and is something that is needed as we seek to be more inclusive and help a community that is persecuted and discriminated against.  I know, and have known for years that many of my dear friends in Christ Church were gay.  I have friends in the Emmaus community that are gay as well.  I love them unreservedly.  I, in many ways, don’t understand, but once again, it is not for me to judge.  I also know that some of those friends are in loving same-sex relationships as well.  This is not an issue for me, not because I think they are not doing anything wrong, but because it is not my place to point out someone else’s sin or to judge them for it. 

I have a niece who is living with her boyfriend.  I love her completely and do not judge her.  She is a fine young lady.  If she were to ask me, I would tell her that what she is doing is wrong, but I wouldn’t love her any less.  From all accounts, it appears that they love each other deeply and are committed to each other.  Does that then mean that the pre-marital sex is not a sin?  Not in my mind it doesn’t, but I love them nonetheless.  The issue I have is that we now want to ignore what Scripture says and teach that as long as they are truly in love, it is no longer wrong.  

For those of you who thought this was a snap judgment, we can assure you that it was not.  We have studied and searched Scripture for years trying to find a way to allow ourselves to accept that these loving sexual relationships are not wrong.

We caused pain due to the timing of this decision.  Once I had talked to Randy and confirmed what I feared was going on, we could not continue to be members of the Methodist Church.  I also knew that if I tried to keep it to myself until after Christmas, I would be very very emotional and would not be able to sing.  If we had announced our decision and then stayed until after Christmas, we truly felt that it would have had a much greater negative impact on the church.  We do not want to divide the church based on our actions.  I know that the timing has caused many of you to be angry with us and for that we are truly truly sorry.

We caused pain by posting it the way we did.  We agonized over the best way to handle this.  We thought about just going away, but our fear was that without us explaining to everyone you might come to the wrong conclusion about why we were leaving.  Having been a member of the congregation for over 20 years, we felt we owed you an explanation.

The Pain We Felt

We felt the pain of those who felt they were being called out yet again for simply who they were.  We feel the pain of losing the fellowship of some of the dearest people in our lives.  I feel the pain of giving up one of the most important parts of my life; my music.   I felt anger that the church was not willing to wait just 18 months on the General Conference to see how this could be resolved.  I felt anger that they didn't enter into a dialogue with the church before starting this ministry.  I would not have opposed it, but would have expressed how I felt it should be framed.  But even as painful as this was for us, we asked God to give us peace about this decision and He has granted our request. 

May God Bless You All, and may he give you Peace!

An Agonizing Decision

As we journey through life, we are faced with many decisions and reach many crossroads as we travel.  Deciding what to choose or which way to go must always be processed through the lens of our faith.   Two of the biggest issues that we have struggled with have been related to abortion and gay rights. While we have strong personal views regarding both of those issues, we also strongly feel that we have no right to impose those views on anyone else.  Our faith tells us to worry about ourselves and not to judge others and so we work very hard to do just that.  We are not always successful but we try.  The establishment of a LGBT Support Group at our church has brought us to a crossroad not of our choosing but one which we must navigate nonetheless. 

First, we need for you to understand some things about how we feel.  It is not a sin to be gay, period!  Whether it is nature or nurture, we don’t know and we don’t care.  Just because you are gay doesn’t make you any less in God’s sight than anyone else.  Jesus loves those who are gay just as much as he loves anyone else.  We believe that gay people should be welcomed into the church and provided with the same nurture and access to Christ as anyone.  If two gay people love each other and want to commit to spending their lives together, they should receive the same protections under civil law as any other couple.  This is in regard to ownership or inheritance of property, the ability to make medical decisions, tax law regarding couples etc.  We truly believe that people in the LGBT community are of sacred worth in the eyes of God.

Where we have an issue relates to sex.  We have studied and searched the Scriptures.  We have prayed and prayed asking for guidance and discernment.   We have listened to, and analyzed, other’s rationalizations and interpretations and tried very hard to understand their position.  We have read the views of countless others and we continue to come to the same personal conclusion.  The Bible tells us that the only sex that God approves is between a man and a woman in a covenant marriage relationship.  We believe that pre-marital sex is a sin, adultery is a sin, self-pleasure sex is a sin and homosexual sex is a sin.  So what, you say, since we all sin.  You are absolutely right, we all sin and fall short.  The life of any honest Christian consists of constant repentance and renewal. Can we be forgiven of our sin?  Absolutely we can, through the grace of Jesus Christ.  We condemn no one for their lifestyle.  Someone else’s sin is no worse than our own.

However, that’s not my point.  The LGBT Support group will be sponsored by our church and will be led by one of our pastors.  Its purpose is to minister to the needs of the gay community as Christians and that is precisely what it should do.  We have no problem with the establishment of this support group.  It is what we need to do as Christians.  Our problem is that, knowing the views of the pastor leading this group, they will be told that practicing homosexual sex is not a sin and they need not ask forgiveness for it.  That brings us to a position where, in our opinion, our church has chosen to teach doctrine contrary to what the Bible provides.

As this practice is validated in the support group, it will, by extension, be viewed as the position of Christ Church, regardless of what its “official” position is.  We were assured that Christ Church would never take an official position in opposition with the Discipline, but that is not the point.  The members of this group will be taught that if they are in a sexual relationship with someone of the same sex, then they are not doing anything that requires forgiveness. They will have received this counsel from the Church!

This will make it impossible for us to continue to promise to support the Methodist Church because for us the Methodist Church is Christ Church and to do otherwise would make us a fraud.  Nor will we stand up and make people choose sides.  It is not our place to judge or to impose our views on anyone.  Accordingly, Sarah and I are simply withdrawing our membership from the Methodist Church and will go elsewhere.  This is a decision that we have agonized over and is truly heart breaking for us since Christ Church and its people are so dear to us and such an important part of our lives.  We have no ill will toward anyone and we will continue to love ALL of you; each and everyone.  We do, and will continue to, count you as friends we love.  But as we said at the beginning, we have been taken to a crossroad and have been forced to choose.  We are faced with choosing some of what is most dear to us or our faith, and we have no choice but to choose according to our faith.  We know that some of you won’t understand and we are prepared for whatever consequences arise from this.  We love you and will miss you!

And so it begins...

I have been hearing about blogs for years now and have read several authored by friends. Well, here goes! My own blog and the first post!

What profound thought will I offer?

I suspect this blog will not set the world on fire, but it will be mine. I'll ramble, I'll muse, I'll rant and opine. Maybe, from time to time, I may even expose a part of my soul. We'll see!

I just finished a Walk to Emmaus this weekend as a member of the team. It was my 6th or 7th walk and was just as incredible as the first. I love Jesus, I love my brothers, and I pray that I can extend the effects of the Walk into "all" of my fourth days!

Of all things on earth, other than my family, I love the outdoors the most. I am most truly alive when I am in the midst of God's creation. Faith and Nature will most probably dominate the posts here.

I love and support the Boy Scouts of America, one of the last organizations dedicated to teaching values to our youth, hence the name Green Creek Scout. I have been a Boy Scout since I was 10 1/2 and never quit. Is it a perfect organization? No! But there is none better!

Rather than ramble on, I'll sign off. Hope to be back soon!