Pain Caused and Pain Felt

Pain Caused and Pain Felt

My wife and I made a decision this week that had a significant impact on our lives and on the lives of many that we love.  This has caused a lot of pain both for us and them.  I wish there had been a way to do this without causing pain, but I suppose it was unavoidable.

The Pain We Caused

We caused pain because of the context of the issue. Even though we knew that this would cause pain, that was never our intent.  We didn’t do this to hurt or punish anyone, but we were placed in a situation where we had to choose.  I know that many of you are hurting and angry because our decision was based within the context of the gay community.  I don’t know how to impress upon you that it had nothing to do with you being gay or straight or somewhere in between.  It really didn’t have anything to do with sin either, for that matter.  It was based on the fact that a member of the clergy within my church was going to teach a doctrine that we firmly believed was incompatible with Scripture.  They weren’t going to do this as an expression of a personal opinion, but within the context of a church-sponsored support group as a member of the church’s clergy.

I think the support group is a good thing and is something that is needed as we seek to be more inclusive and help a community that is persecuted and discriminated against.  I know, and have known for years that many of my dear friends in Christ Church were gay.  I have friends in the Emmaus community that are gay as well.  I love them unreservedly.  I, in many ways, don’t understand, but once again, it is not for me to judge.  I also know that some of those friends are in loving same-sex relationships as well.  This is not an issue for me, not because I think they are not doing anything wrong, but because it is not my place to point out someone else’s sin or to judge them for it. 

I have a niece who is living with her boyfriend.  I love her completely and do not judge her.  She is a fine young lady.  If she were to ask me, I would tell her that what she is doing is wrong, but I wouldn’t love her any less.  From all accounts, it appears that they love each other deeply and are committed to each other.  Does that then mean that the pre-marital sex is not a sin?  Not in my mind it doesn’t, but I love them nonetheless.  The issue I have is that we now want to ignore what Scripture says and teach that as long as they are truly in love, it is no longer wrong.  

For those of you who thought this was a snap judgment, we can assure you that it was not.  We have studied and searched Scripture for years trying to find a way to allow ourselves to accept that these loving sexual relationships are not wrong.

We caused pain due to the timing of this decision.  Once I had talked to Randy and confirmed what I feared was going on, we could not continue to be members of the Methodist Church.  I also knew that if I tried to keep it to myself until after Christmas, I would be very very emotional and would not be able to sing.  If we had announced our decision and then stayed until after Christmas, we truly felt that it would have had a much greater negative impact on the church.  We do not want to divide the church based on our actions.  I know that the timing has caused many of you to be angry with us and for that we are truly truly sorry.

We caused pain by posting it the way we did.  We agonized over the best way to handle this.  We thought about just going away, but our fear was that without us explaining to everyone you might come to the wrong conclusion about why we were leaving.  Having been a member of the congregation for over 20 years, we felt we owed you an explanation.

The Pain We Felt

We felt the pain of those who felt they were being called out yet again for simply who they were.  We feel the pain of losing the fellowship of some of the dearest people in our lives.  I feel the pain of giving up one of the most important parts of my life; my music.   I felt anger that the church was not willing to wait just 18 months on the General Conference to see how this could be resolved.  I felt anger that they didn't enter into a dialogue with the church before starting this ministry.  I would not have opposed it, but would have expressed how I felt it should be framed.  But even as painful as this was for us, we asked God to give us peace about this decision and He has granted our request. 

May God Bless You All, and may he give you Peace!